Disappointed

Here I am in my office, trying to settle my office work after the 2-week biz trip to India and at the same time organizing the big family gathering on 28th Jan. I am not complaining in doing the gathering - no, not at all, in fact I love doing it, and I hope that no one will take this wrongly but I am doing it because I don't spend time with my family often and for me, Christmas is supposed to be filled with all your loved ones. It's all about taking that special time to express our gratitude to have such a big family and a special time to ask for forgiveness before going for another 'year book' to 'write'. There are people in this World who are left with no one... I wish that I have the resources to make their Christmases better.

I cried when I found out my dad will not be there. My sis in KL will not be there, my sis in Labuan may not be there then the other sis now is saying she may not be able to help - does that mean that all of them are not going to be there? I am about to lose it! I can't believe what is happening to everybody here - is there something that I'm missing? I can see the rest are so excited to get together but my own family, who are the most important to me, are not going to be there? What the hell, man?!!! Here I am trying to make a complete family gathering and I end up without my own family during Christmas - in that case, this may be the last time that I will organize such event la. It's nothing to do with the money or time that I've spent in organizing this, it's just that my sincere purpose of doing this is that we may never know when else we can spend such time together, we never know when we will be called by God, so whenever I can, I just want the family to be complete. Grandma in the kampung said this to me and I feel that it is important, not only to her but also to all of us - we are not talking about everyday here - this is a once-a-year thing, and whatever shyness or disagreement amongst ourselves, we should be able to get passed it together because we are family.

You may think that you will not miss anyone or no one will miss you but believe this, at least one person will surely miss you especially during Christmas time - be it your grandparents, your mother, your wife, your father, your husband, your sister, your brother, your other extended family... Oh well, I think that Christmas has become less and less special for others, I cherish Christmas so much, maybe because of my own unique situation, which no one may not understand...

It may just be my personal opinion but life is short and too precious to be filled with hatred or negativity, and family is not chosen by us, in fact, God made that decision for us already. I'm not saying that family wont hurt us but we learnt from it and be more careful in the future, at least family ties will still be there, right? Oh well, I don't get it.

Whatever it is, the party will go on, I will still put my 101% in it to make it successful and to get as many family members to be there as I could - we never know that this may be the last Christmas that we could have all of us in one place kan?

To my beautiful model and mortal readers, I wish that you will have a great Christmas with all your loved ones. Like I've said, life is short so cherish all you could get out of it!

In Christmas mood but...

Christmas Is A Time...
Christmas is a time when your with your family
to appreciate everything you have and your life;
parents, uncles, aunts, brothers, sisters, kids, and wife

Christmas is a time when Santa comes for the kids
and brings them everything they ask for on their wish list
Christmas is a time where your kids get happy before they go to sleep
you cant wait to see the looks on their faces
when they open the presents they get to keep;

Christmas is a time where there's beautiful lights,
stockings, mistletoe's, snowflakes, and a Christmas tree
I wonder how this Christmas will be for me!

- copied the above poem from a site that I so happened to visit.

Hmmm, it is true, Christmas is the time where family can meet together, can spend the quality time and catch up. Most of all, we learn to forgive and forget each others' mistakes - a time to remember all the good and forget about all the bad that may have happened throughout the year.

I am organising one of the biggest family gathering ever and I really hope that it will be a big success - everyone seems to be excited about it. In a way, I was excited too until I found out that dad will not be there. I just cannot understand and if that's the reason, then I would have just cancelled the whole thing. My objective is to get all the complete siblings together as it is a rare occasion that this could happen. My wish is to let all of them be at the same place at the same time, what more would be a better time if it were to be during this Christmas season. Disappointed? I would be lying to myself and to God if I say that I am not. Angry?? Maybe in the beginning, because I was not informed before the fact but rather after. Now, the anger is no longer there, but more of guilt in a way - the what-ifs are in my mind. Like, what if I didn't plan for this big gathering? What if it were to be just a quite Christmas with just us?? **sigh** what have I done or what have I shouldn't have done???

Dad, whereever you are, I pray that you are always well. I pray that God will send His Angels to protect you always. Whatever plan that you have, I hope that we will know and whatever it is, we are always here for you and supporting you.

Till next time, my dear mortal and model readers out there, take care and peace!!!

My own domain, at last :)

Finally, I actually have my own domain (sandralouis.me)!!!

Saw the availability and straightaway bought it - am lucky that it was not too expensive.  I am still in Bangalore to evaluate a suite of products.  Good and productive week.  Then on Sunday, will be flying off to Hyderabad for another one week of work, work, tension, tension, tension...  So looking forward to the Christmas holiday but am so disappointed that the most important person who should be there, won't be there!  I am deeply saddened and disappointed...

Ok, will continue soon